The Secrets of Harry Potter Revealed!

...by Maureen Johnson.

“You mean . . . like Luke and Leia in Star Wars?”

“What’s Star Wars?” she asked.

“Star Wars!”

“I don’t watch much television. What is that? A reality show? Like American Idol?”

“It’s a movie!” I exclaimed. “A very famous movie. Darth Vader, the Dark Side, the Death Star, may the Force be with you? Is any of this sounding familiar?”

“Vaguely,” she said. “Is this one where, if you get the monsters wet, they multiply? All those little monsters with the cute names . . . Gizmo, Frodo, Bilbo. So they have to go back in time in a 1980s car to get rid of them?”

Once again, I ask myself, "Why, oh why, am I not that lucky, to meet JK Rowling in a coffee shop? Or so brilliant as to conceal a recording device in the one kind of muffin Ms. Rowling will not eat?"