Showing posts with label silliness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label silliness. Show all posts
6.17.2007
Pony.
Guy at work was telling me about a pony he'd had when he was a kid. "You had to do the weirdest thing to make him go," he said. "If you kicked him, he'd trot, but that was about it. To get him to go any faster, you'd have to wave a pine bough--you know, a branch--in a circle over his head, and then he'd take off."
6.07.2007
Anthem!
One of the chicas at work said she'd awakened one morning to have her boyfriend asking her, "Who is DeAnna?"
"DeAnna? From work?"
"I don't know," he'd said. "But last night, you sat straight up in bed and said, 'That's her anthem!'
"'Whose anthem?'
"'DeAnna's,' you said. Like I should have known already.
"'DeAnna from Pennsylvania?'
"'DeAnna from work!' you said, and then you went back to sleep."
Okay, when I was done laughing (or at least, could speak; I still break out in giggles every time I think about it), I asked her if she'd found out what my anthem was. No dice. I've been trying to figure it out...
"DeAnna? From work?"
"I don't know," he'd said. "But last night, you sat straight up in bed and said, 'That's her anthem!'
"'Whose anthem?'
"'DeAnna's,' you said. Like I should have known already.
"'DeAnna from Pennsylvania?'
"'DeAnna from work!' you said, and then you went back to sleep."
Okay, when I was done laughing (or at least, could speak; I still break out in giggles every time I think about it), I asked her if she'd found out what my anthem was. No dice. I've been trying to figure it out...
6.03.2007
Toast.
"...I'm just saying I don't eat toast."
"What do you eat with your eggs?"
"Okay, I'll eat toast at a restaurant. I don't even own a toaster. I have a toaster oven."
"You don't own a toaster?"
"I own a toaster oven."
"You know what you're getting for your wedding? About nineteen toasters."
"You get me a toaster, and I'm going to hit you up the side of your head."
"Hey! Everybody! Guess who needs a toaster for his wedding!"
"What do you eat with your eggs?"
"Okay, I'll eat toast at a restaurant. I don't even own a toaster. I have a toaster oven."
"You don't own a toaster?"
"I own a toaster oven."
"You know what you're getting for your wedding? About nineteen toasters."
"You get me a toaster, and I'm going to hit you up the side of your head."
"Hey! Everybody! Guess who needs a toaster for his wedding!"
5.28.2007
5.25.2007
5.24.2007
5.23.2007
More silliness.
Hm...my brain has gone on hiatus. But I'm too lazy to figure out who to send this stuff to...
A major research institution (MRI) has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named Governmentium.
Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
A major research institution (MRI) has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named Governmentium.
Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
5.21.2007
Bad puns.
Another chain-type e-mail I got today.
It's the last line, really, that makes the whole thing.
1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
16. A calendar's days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a bridge in Paris, you are in Seine.
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
It's the last line, really, that makes the whole thing.
1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
16. A calendar's days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a bridge in Paris, you are in Seine.
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
Dumb joke.
I went into the gas station today and
asked for five dollars worth of gas.....
The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.
5.18.2007
5.17.2007
Joke of the Day.
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees hadn't called in or phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?"
"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk to an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is there anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Mommy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: "ME."
---
Remember: Just a joke, just a joke...
"Hello?"
"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk to an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is there anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Mommy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: "ME."
---
Remember: Just a joke, just a joke...
Joke of the Day.
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees hadn't called in or phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?"
"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk to an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is there anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Mommy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: "ME."
---
Remember: Just a joke, just a joke...
"Hello?"
"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk to an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is there anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Mommy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: "ME."
---
Remember: Just a joke, just a joke...
Spam of the Day.
Wha-huh? All of a sudden, I feel like I'm in an alternate universe.
---
Dear Friend,
Compliments of the day and God's blessings. I am glad to inform you
that I have successfully concluded the transaction,the money has been
transferred to London.It was done through the assistant of Mr. Howard
Ferraro who is a London base business man.Currently I am in London with
him and my wife and children.
However, I did not forget you because you are the source of my success,
you made me what I am now though you are not there to complete this
project with me but I gave all the credit and thanks to you.I know it
is not your fault or rather your wish to back off on me and the
transaction,I understand it was simply because of some circumstances
you could not control.
In appreciate of your assistance I have mapped out as a compensation
and wrote on your favor a certified bank draft worth of US$800,000.00.
I left the draft with my Secretary Mr.Terry Lord on my departure to
London.
I would like you therefore,to contact him on the below info and
instruct him where to send the draft to because i have instructed him
on that already.
Attn: Mr.Terry Lord
Email: xxxxxxx.xxx
Feel free to contact my secretary so that he can release your bank
draft to you. Then get in touch with me once you receive your draft so
that we will rejoice over that together.
I will stop here. Once again,thank you very much and remain blessed.
Regards,
Barr.Fred Goodluck
---
Dear Friend,
Compliments of the day and God's blessings. I am glad to inform you
that I have successfully concluded the transaction,the money has been
transferred to London.It was done through the assistant of Mr. Howard
Ferraro who is a London base business man.Currently I am in London with
him and my wife and children.
However, I did not forget you because you are the source of my success,
you made me what I am now though you are not there to complete this
project with me but I gave all the credit and thanks to you.I know it
is not your fault or rather your wish to back off on me and the
transaction,I understand it was simply because of some circumstances
you could not control.
In appreciate of your assistance I have mapped out as a compensation
and wrote on your favor a certified bank draft worth of US$800,000.00.
I left the draft with my Secretary Mr.Terry Lord on my departure to
London.
I would like you therefore,to contact him on the below info and
instruct him where to send the draft to because i have instructed him
on that already.
Attn: Mr.Terry Lord
Email: xxxxxxx.xxx
Feel free to contact my secretary so that he can release your bank
draft to you. Then get in touch with me once you receive your draft so
that we will rejoice over that together.
I will stop here. Once again,thank you very much and remain blessed.
Regards,
Barr.Fred Goodluck
5.16.2007
In Retrospect...
It was kind of obvious that the name would come up at some point:
Ben & Jerry's Karamel Sutra.
I will have to keep an eye out for it.
Ben & Jerry's Karamel Sutra.
I will have to keep an eye out for it.
5.04.2007
Save a Horse...
Ride a Space Cowboy.
(You don't usually see country western anime music videos. But this Cowboy Bebop mix is very nice.)
And another one, this time not C/W, but with a fun song called "Stress," by Jim Infantino/Jim's Big Ego. (Other stuff by JBE I've found is also good. Hey, they even link to theirripoffs remixes. How awesome is that?)
(You don't usually see country western anime music videos. But this Cowboy Bebop mix is very nice.)
And another one, this time not C/W, but with a fun song called "Stress," by Jim Infantino/Jim's Big Ego. (Other stuff by JBE I've found is also good. Hey, they even link to their
4.18.2007
Kids in the Hall
There are so many, many things I like about Kids in the Hall. The last one makes me think of Lee, except he's always "sell her to the gypsies."
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