Fwhooooo!

Taught Ray how to elicit toots from a bottle today.

As always, the experience of successfully teaching something comes to me as a miracle: I say stuff, and suddenly the light goes on, but the connection between the two isn't as straight a line as the ego would like.

She did the work. I just babbled about blowing straight across, like the top of a drum, to make echoes that are smooth and run together. It was only the doing that made it make sense.

Here she comes with the bottle again :)

My hands shook a little...

Lee has spent a considerable (and considerate) amount of time setting up the computer IN MY OFFICE for me.

AHAHAHAHAHA!

I can't tell you how good this feels, how nerve-wrackingly good.

I had been trying to pick out the perfect desk, but I abandoned that plan in favor of a cheap-ass-but-for-all-practical-purposes-perfect desk. The room is filled with that je ne sais quoi, that new office chair smell, full of chlorofluorocarbons, burnt rubber, and promise.

I tell you, I love plowing into the unpredictability that is hustling for freelance jobs, even the parts where you go, "I'm never doing that again" and mean it. I love trying to figure what the hell keeps going wrong with the beginning of Alien Blue. I love struggling to find the time to edit the short story I wrote. My life is full of love and teeth filed to sharp points at all the possibilities.

Writing updates:

• I sent off the draft characters for the murder mystery expansion pack, Hollywood Lies. Editor said, "Great! I'm off for Easter break. I'll get back to you." I feel like I got a free snow day, only it'll probably go on until 13 April. Cast size: 23-33 people. I'm scared to try to run this.
  
• I've been considering the updates for Alien Blue, and rereading Nancy Kress's Beginnings, Middles, and Ends. Why don't I care for her writing as much as I like her advice? Why am I getting so much more from reading the book this time around? I rewrote the prologue, adding more to the beginning. "Why doesn't the beginning make sense?" "Because you didn't set it up." I'm a guy out in the middle of a corn field hearing the voices say, "If you set it up, they will read it." Just have faith, Martha. I know it seems crazy...
  
• Considering a change to the middle, with the Good Doctor. Because I know he needs to be there; I know why he needs to be there; I just don't know how the hell to make that make sense. In a story where various people are trying to figure out what "human" is, exactly, it helps to have a monster to compare and contrast. Also, when you scrape down the plot to the actual story, he's a linchpin. Again, how to set that up? Er...
  
• I'm going to take Richard's advice on the ending. Even though I'm planning for another book (Blue Spirits, maybe?), his suggestion will make the climax more effective. Things fall apart, but before they do, a last stand should be taken.
• No updates on the Greece story.
• Haven't finished editing writer group stuff. Shit shit shit. I will take it with to Ray's swimming lessons. It's amazing what you can accomplish when your sense of duty says "SIT STILL."
• April Write Brain is 21 April. Planning to go and practice pitching.
  
• Going to PPWC this year, April 23-26. I'm taking the extra-day option, with the advanced class, on marketing. I think: WHAT IF THEY SEE THROUGH THE FACADE? I'm not advanced! But I already sat through the Write Brains related to the middle-level class. Damn it, I will take the advanced class! I will be advanced! The PayPal bill has already been paid!
• The book is getting pitched at the conference and sent out shortly afterwards to a short list of agents. I'm also going to send the query to Query Shark, which I have been reading with little exclamation points in my eyes.
  
• After that, I'm going to consider myself having graduated from the beginners class, finally and aboslutely. 1) I write and edit for a living. 2) I make a profit freelancing (including the new office setup). 3) Alien Blue doesn't suck. 4) I HAVE AN OFFICE!!11!!
• The next steps have yet to be specifically determined, but will include figuring out a business model, getting word out, and hustling my ass off. And figuring out what I can do for people besides stroke my own ego. I've always felt that what I write is to try to say things that need to be heard, but can't be said directly without ruining them, like "We are all in this together" and "You're stronger than you think." But is that right? Is that entirely right? Is that all of it, or is there something else?
  

Okay, time to pretend to be human, or at least make sure I can access the music files across the network.

The Mexican Grocery Store Project.

First of all, I've been trying to figure out whether I should call this the "Hispanic" or "Mexican" grocery store project. It would be more PC but less accurate to call it "Hispanic," as the grocery stores to not appear to cater to wider, pan-Hispanic tastes.

Here's the deal. During January-February, I worked on getting rid of the excessive stocks in my freezer, pantry, squirreled around the house, etc. I didn't spend more than $50 a week on food; I didn't buy chocolate; I didn't buy tea; I didn't go to Sam's or Costco.

The project was a partial success.

Freezer: I didn't get the freezer entirely free of crap, but I think I'm down to the last few meals and can throw out the freezie pops and frozen egg whites. I DON'T USE EGG WHITES. Lesson learned. Next time I make a custard, I will find a recipe that requires the whole egg...or just dump the whites down the sink. When frugality is counter-productive...I could have used that space, damn it, for something tasty. And I wouldn't have used so many freezer bags.

Pantry: A flop. Shelves still stuffed with crap I've had around for years. I finally threw away a jar of pineapple with a 2006 expiration date. Time to check expy dates and donate, I think.

Chocolate: most of the holiday chocolate is gone. I would have succeeded, but Lee bought an excessive amount of chocolate for Valentine's Day (yum).

Tea: I'm drinking the next-to-last serving, but for: 1 can iced-tea mix, 1 pint of loose-leaf tai iced tea leaves, and about half a box of Korean barley tea. They're tasty, but I decided from the get-go that these didn't count. Mostly because I knew I wouldn't finish them in time, but also because I didn't want to commit to getting rid of them just before I'd enjoy them most, i.e., during warm weather.

I took the month of March off from overarching food projects and promptly spent too much money at Costco. But I NEEDED that gallon of green olives, damn it.*

April will be...MEXICAN GROCERY STORE MONTH.

I will purchase groceries from Mexican grocery stores only, unless something insurmountable comes up, like Ray wants something specific for Easter (Ray Day) that I can't get there. Spoiling a family member should take precedence over hair-brained projects every time.

Why Mexican grocery stores?

• We have a lot of them in Colorado Springs. Lots of little ones with specific functions. "Fruteria" "Carneceria" etc.
  
• I like going to non-normal places to buy food.
  
• To try different foods. One sub-goal is to make fresh baby octopus, for Ray.
  
• To see what they have, instead of what I expect.
  
• To find out differences, in specific items and prices and in patterns.
  
• To explore the area.
• To assure people that non-normal places to buy food are not scary. I know a surprising number of people who are afraid to walk into non-U.S.-standard grocery stores, because it's too much to handle.
  

I've been to several Mexican grocery stores nearby over the last few years. Here are some things I've noticed causally but will take a closer look at:

• Most starches are refined; I don't remember ever seeing anything "whole grain."
  
• Plain yogurt is apparently an anathema.
  
• The cheese selection is very limited.
  
• The fruits and vegetables are plentiful and cheap.
  
• The vegetables are more diverse than the fruits, which are mostly apples, citrus, and a few pears.
  
• You can always get perfect avocados.
  
• You can easily get cheap meat, if you don't mind cheap cuts of meat.
  
• Seafood is almost as important as beef, pork, and chicken combined; it gets slightly more shelf space than any two but not all three.
  
• The seafood selection is waaaaaay wider than you'll see at a standard U.S.-style grocery store.
  
• You will almost always see an area with food served to eat and tables at which to eat it. I do know one place that doesn't (or didn't; I haven't been there for a while).
  
• The amount of exo-culture foods are limited (the biggest Italian foods area is generally a smaller ratio of shelf space than U.S.-style stores; Italian is usually it).
  
• The illusion is of abundance over variety. Shipping crates are often stuffed with false bottoms, then piled above eye level with products - but at the expense of having two kinds of something.

Some other areas to explore:

• Meat/Protein: What types are available? How much do they cost? How much space do they take up? Frozen vs. fresh? Organic, locally-raised? Vegetarian alternatives? The subject of beans is probably a whole different experiment. Wow.
  
• Dairy/Fats: Cheese, milk, yogurt types? Cost? Space? (Add'l research: do Mexican people tend to be lactose intolerant or not?) What other types of fats are available, in what proportions (e.g., lots of shelf space for oil, little shelf space for butter)?
  
• Starch: What are the main types of starch? What is there, but less often? What types of primary types (uh...flour? The minimal amount of processing, uncooked, etc. as commonly available?) of starch are available? Cost? Space? Are they located in a central area or dispersed around? Are there any whole grains anywhere? Are there more starch products in a primary state or a prepared state? Are there a lot of breakfast cereals?
  
• Fruits/Vegetables: What types are available?
  
• Sweets/junk food: What proportion of sweets are mass-produced vs. in-house prep? What are the types of sweets and junk food? How much shelf space do they get?
• Convenience foods: Are foods interim foods (e.g., tortillas) or final products (e.g., burritos)? Frozen vs. canned?
• Marketing: How much is directed towards kids? Is "abundance" a typical ploy? Are the stores agressively, assertively, or passively Mexican?
  
• Service: Cleanliness, helpfulness, ease of use, ability to communicate with/attitude towards yours truly, etc.

Clearly, biting off more than I can chew.

April 1st: Purchased 2 tamales, #1.94/ea., delicious. 1 gallon whole milk, 2.49, from a rack of at least 50 identical gallons (next to 50 gallons of 2%, etc.). 1 pear, .76, anjou, but marked as "pear." 1 pint rice pudding, 1.99, delicious, but with a drink lid with a hole on top, pain in the ass. Customer ahead of me in line drops gallon of what looks like pickled pig rinds. Manager at front in under 30 seconds, and cashier has already drafted a helper to guard the spill, and another to replace disgusting-looking jar of bleah. Must be coming down with a cold; doesn't smell like anything. They all speak in Spanish but switch to clear English when it's my turn.

April 3rd: Yep. A cold.


*BWAHAHAHAHA! I will RULE the WORLD!

Iowa Supreme Court legalizes gay marriage.

I send hugs to the gay couples I knew in Iowa. Hopefully this helps with the adoption situation, too.

A couple I knew had started proceedings to adopt a little boy they had fostered, but he was taken away when the social agency found out they were gay and wanted to adopt instead of just feed, clothe, and care for him. Years later, they carried around his picture. He was an ugly pug of a baby, dressed in a diaper and angel wings. Every time J--- saw me, she would show me his picture and kiss it.

I didn't dare tell her he was an ugly baby, you know?

ABNA reviews up!

I had two readers for Alien Blue in the ABNA contest. Unfortunately, I didn't make it to semi-finals, but I did get these two reviews back, see? And while semi-finals were announced March 15th, the reviews just came back today. Understandable; the staff needed to sleep for two weeks, and April 1st would have been too cruel a day to receive anonymous reviews.

Reviewer 1:

I like the title. Alien Blue has a nice ring to it, and it was fun to find out that it was a type of beer.

So far the story is a bit confusing. 20- something Nina Nesbitt is in town to meet her biological father. For some reason, she is led to a special booth at the local bar, The Caveman. The proprietor of the bar is Bill, who serves the foul tasting brew called Alien Blue to the young woman, before presenting with decent food and drink, along with a story of his life. A tall man with a shaved head who wears torn and bloody cargo pants is also at the bar, though there is some disagreement between Bill and his waitress as to whether the guy should be permitted to stay. Then some mysterious men in suits show up and harass the pint sized town mayor. But wait- this appears to be a flashback. This all happens close to the Roswell, New Mexico.

Characters seem interesting, if somewhat eclectic. It's rather disjointed, though the promise of a good story lingers just below the surface. I think this could be a good yarn, if reworked a bit.

Reviewer 2:

I have mixed feelings about this story. It is original in concept and seems to be going somewhere. I found after the initial pages read that I was somewhat interested in reading further, but not strongly so. The circumstances are strange and a bit bizarre, and I wanted to find out exactly what was going on.

But mixed feelings. Why? Because the author's prose gets in the way of his (or her) story. The author almost trips over himself trying to be verbally clever with constant crass colloquialisms, slang, and cutesy similes, metaphors, exaggerations, and other figures of speech. What this does is that it gets annoying. The reader, who just wants an interesting story, has to constantly deal with or interpret these language excesses. Occasionally the author's efforts to impress are enjoyable but most of the time they make reading laborious. Also, The author's attitude, as expressed in his narrator's voice as flippant, irreverent and crass.

So here is a story that has some potential, written by an author with ability and potential, but the language excesses get in the way.

I really don't know what to do about the reviews. Think about them for a few days, at least. As to the first reviewer, I'm having trouble with the beginning, true - I don't remember how many beginnings I've tried out. It is disjointed. Some creative criticism would have been nice - okay, but how might I fix it?

The second review was just frustrating. Maybe it's just not the story for that reader. I've been told many times that you shouldn't confuse the author with the narrator, so that sets me off, and I had a hard time taking the review seriously. Also - does the reader just want an interesting story? Really? And the language and the smartass narrator are features, not bugs. I feel like the reviewer didn't even want me to try to write the book I wanted to write. "Not appropriate!"

But I don't feel like I was robbed or anything; fair dinkum. I'll probably do it again, barring instant-overnight-how-long-have-I-been-doing-this?!? stardom.

Huh.

Now I have to wonder if "The Princess and the Pea" is about kids with allergies.

Ray tooth update:

Make that three times I've been pranked today.

I'd forgotten which of Ray's baby teeth had come out and which hadn't; the tooth I thought was a chipped baby tooth was an adult tooth coming in at an off-kilter but perfectly acceptable angle.

Silly me; she chipped a different tooth while trying to pry a binder clip open with her teeth. Luckily, that chip wasn't big, and the dentist said she won't need to have anything done for it if she keeps it clean. We'll reassess during her checkup in July.

Yes, we discussed: if you can't open a binder clip with your fingers, it's a bad clip, so just junk it and get a new one! She continues to chew on everything, though. Teething. Go figure.

April Fool's!

After years of running with a perfect April Fool's Day record, I have been caught TWICE today. TWICE!

Fuligin invented.

Scientists have created a black that is blacker than black.

Enormous fish-women swim closer through the stars.

Alinea NOT at home!

Carol at Alinea at Home GOT HIRED BY GRANT ACHATZ! To work at Alinea!

How cool is that? Food blogger makes good :)