Another Alien Blue Log Line Attempt.

Bar owner Bill Trout weighs the safety of his loved ones against his ornery sense of justice when interstellar cops threaten to destroy Bill's town if he doesn't hand over the unnerving alien scientist he's been hiding for the last sixteen years--right down to their memories.
Pros: It seems to capture the storyline better, which is something akin to "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?"* Conveys the horrible choice Bill has to make.

Cons: It doesn't convey the humor. I want to end with "memories" but the sentence structure is bad.

*Wow. I had to look this up to make sure I got the wording right. Turns out, there are so many variant translations it makes my head spin.